I've been trying to sift through a number of things of late, none of which I care to directly discuss here in a semi-public forum. Suffice to say that some moments in life are more like muddy minefields than alpine meadows with bright-eyed flowers.
This corner of cyberspace is over six years old now. I originally started it as a testament to the kids I was teaching in Hong Kong and to keep friends in Vancouver "in the know" about my life, but then I just kept on going-- and yes, kept on going with xanga, a much-maligned community primarily composed of people writing about what they bought and who they hung out with, replete with self-photography at various nightclubs while pants/tops are falling down. It's a bit saddening to read other people's sites from time to time-- it makes those of us who strive to use the Queen's English (or rough facsimiles thereof) despair for what can be, at times, a wonderful language to know. Everyone knows serious bloggers go with, well, Blogger or Wordpress, not teenybopperville Xanga.
Yet, here I remain. Not because I am particularly attached to Xanga, but because I have certain ruts (or routes, choose which you think applies) that I like.
So I blog on. In my better moments, I use this space almost as a workshop for my more serious writings. I try out different words and phrases to see how they sound together-- and even more importantly (McLuhan adherents would disagree) I workshop ideas and gauge responses from readers. All three of you. And even though what I write is so often (for some) entertaining or intriguing, I suppose one other reason I keep writing is because it gives people space to feel "not alone". I've been told a few times how what I write has the uncanny knack of speaking what other people feel (a slight difference from a good comedian, who speaks what we all are thinking, such as "I hate pants" and "what's the deal with airlines?"), and this, I hope, has the effect that those who come by here begin to feel less alone. Though I'm a severely limited human being, my words can go where I physically cannot, building bridges and connecting people to themselves and the way they feel.
However, there is a dark side to my blogging: I like the attention. I like having people comment on my entries and to tell me I'm a good writer. I like having your eyes/ears for a moment to tell you what's on my mind. And, of late, I am beginning to see that perhaps this unhealthy outlook might be best assuaged by quitting blogging for a while-- even at the risk of spontaneous combustion from not being able to get my words out of this scrap of hide. There are even occasions, I must admit, when the prospect of attracting women because of what I write and how I write it is too much of a temptation for me to bear. Though I am as honest as I can be when I write here, I do know what effect such honesty can have on others.
So there you have it. Not the flashiest nor most lyrical of posts I have ever done, but I thought I should confess it. Will you forgive me?
Comments (2)
funny how you also think xanga is a bit of a teeny bopper forum. I've been considering quitting xanga for ages but just can't be bothered to relearn how to use another blogsite. So I xanga on.
I have really enjoyed reading your blogs, even though I did take a huge break in between because of the firewall situation in China. It's kinda obvious that you're lapping up the attention on blogsphere but hey, at least you deserve it. :)
I look forward to read more from you (serious or otherwise).
Nope. Don't forgive you! ;)
Kind of a romantic idea to attract the right lady through your writing. But hey, why not?
I'm "guilty" of noticing great blogger Christian single men and thinking, "hmm, potential future hubby? Wouldn't it be cool if he was a blogger, too?"
Seriously, it'd be a bonus.
=D